Finally, a voice. Some may know that I suffer from Multiple Sclerosis & associated Trigeminal Neuralgia. I find it so hard to explain to friends and family members what I go through (when asked), sometimes ... I deem it impossible. MSers have unique experiences ... but I came to tears from a personal relevant standpoint watching Montell Williams eloquently speak on what he has experienced over the years ... from the physical elements to mental weakness, and even his loss of will to live (suicide rates are staggering among MS patients via depression) ...
Why is this relevant to me and weight loss??? ... When I was diagnosed in 2005 (the same year I lost my father) after being misdiagnosed for a year with a pituitary tumor (that was supposed to subside on it's own) ... I went from a solid 180lbs ... up to the 240s. I dealt with MY disease with food ... It soothed me, it took my mind off of my pain ... It for a moment, eased me ... whenever my vision was lost ... When I couldn't walk ... food was still there ... somewhere ... within reach ... to bring me some twisted form of joy & comfort ... despite my situation ...
I have had a few minor episodes this year, but all manageable (as Montell explains, you learn to cope) and I recovered soon. And I truly thank God for that! But it's ever present. I live my life on edge waiting for my next "attack" it seems. But, I used to feel like if I'm going to be disabled, what's the point in me even going to class to day ... or going to the gym ... after getting some disappointing news about the location of many of the lesions on my brain ... and shoot ... I won't care if I'm fat ... if I can't even see!!! And let's not forget ... who's going to fall in love with me if I'm like this???
However, as in most of my life lessons (to date) I had to mature ... look at the bigger picture ... It's chronic ... Junk food is NOT a cure ... I have people that love me regardless ... I'm not the only person in this world who suffers, and I know there are those who have it worse than me ... The doctor said my lesions have the potential to halt independent mobility within the next 5 years. But, GOD has the final say on that (mind you it's 4 years later ... and I'm spinning ...lol). And if things do get worse I'm going to be one skinny, healthy-as-can-be ... hot chick with a cane ;)
I refuse to succumb to mediocrity. I see it as a challenge ... I'm on a weight loss journey ... AND I have MS ... If I can do it ... (you know the rest ...;) ... like I said ... NO EXCUSES ... not even MS.
"This is what God gave me. So rather than to look at it as a bane, it's gotta be a gift. So let me work it as a gift." ~ Montell Williams
~PC
Wow I had no idea you had MS. My father has it and I had early signs but nothing was found from my MRI. You have a tremendously good attitude girl and for this I commend you Ms. Paula. MS and all you are an amazing woman. God Bless!
ReplyDelete@17:38 when he's on that elliptical he says his biggest fear is not being about to walk. I just couldn't imagine. Does that happen to younger people too? ~Tash
ReplyDeleteHey Tasha ... MS is known as a gradually debilitating disease ... so it just depends on when your first brain/spinal lesions began to form ... and their location ... but I've met 2 children who are wheelchair-bound ... from the more extreme phases of MS ... but yes, it can happen to young and old ...
ReplyDeleteAN MSER HERE! I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THIS ONE.................THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING THIS MADAME. I DON'T HAVE T.N. THOUGH MY FRIEND DOES.
ReplyDelete"work it as a gift".............I LOVE THAT!
You are a hero girl! You have no idea. I just have never seen anyone with MS successfully lose b/c of all the complications. I can't tolerate heat, I have so much pain, I'm always depressed and I'm damn near 300 pounds. But your strong and I need to be the same way.
ReplyDeleteMadame I didn't know that you had MS. I love that you have changed your attitude and have decided to be the best you. That is truly inspiring. I don't trust doctors or believe anything they say. When I bought my house the lady who did my loan told me about her mother. She was diagnosed with cancer (I know its a different disease)and was given a year to live. Well its been 2 years since then and the lady is fine. She is holding down a job and celebrating life on the day the doctor said she would die.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome you have your mind right and we all know that the mind controls the body. You already have the healing.
You have an excellent attitude dealing with this. Are you on any of the ABC shots??
ReplyDelete@ Allie, hey girl! Thank you so much ... and I truly believe that all starts with the mind ... many underestimate the power of thought, will, and faith ... but they are all a MUST!
ReplyDelete@ Anon 5:16pm ... yes I am on the "A" Avonex weekly shots, and Elavil for the TN pain ... tonight's actually my "shot night" ... lol ;)